i hate being sick. i've been various levels of unwell in the past few months and college stress hasn't been the sole cause, so my body is straight up falling apart. my energy hasn't been very high and doing anything has been a massive chore, i can't really say i know what's up. maybe it's stress related but i don't have anything Not stressing me out right now, so i guess i'm just going to be eternally sick
i hate being unable to do more (like most people feel when they're this sick all the time) but i can't really not do anything. i guess that's why i gravitated to the web, but it's becoming more taxing everyday, so i think i'll just be quiet forever. Kidding, but abandoning this site might be something i legitimately have to consider at some point, which i don't want to do because i love this site like it's my child, my home, but it's so tiring to update sometimes. i don't have the time and energy i had back when i was 16. i'll try my best nonetheless, i don't want to have to leave it to rot
what i really should do is finally get a more functional laptop. the one i currently have and used to code on for a while has 4 total gbs of ram and it makes coding and browsing the indie web harder to do. once i have the money i might get something second hand and see how it goes. getting up to get to my pc makes me feel like i'm going to collapse sometimes, at least it'll be a worthwhile investment
i want to do whatever i want forever. please let me be happy, body
anyway, when it comes to anything interesting in my life i can't say i've done much. i signed up for classes for the new semester which is pretty boring. i've been hanging out a lot with my online friends, but being unwell hasn't made it very frequent. i do play fortnite a lot more frequently, but that's only with said friends. i have real life friends but we don't hang out at all thanks to life circumstances. i'm constantly holed up in my house sleeping. it's not fun after a while. hopefully once this sickness passes i can go back to normalcy so the boring days can be even the slightest bit interesting
i can't drive due to trauma and the public transportation here is actual shit, but i wish it was easier so i could leave my house more. the house i used to live in at least had a center i could take a short walk to, here i don't really have anything. it sucks. i want to get over my fear of the outside
for the reader this is starting to sound like a new years resolution type thing, but it really isn't. i don't have a choice with the circumstances i'm in, so all i can do is what is in my reach (which isn't anything). at least i have the internet. at the very damn least. i can maybe finally fuse my blogs, edit them, do more with miku on this site like i've always wanted to fucking do, but it's all so hard. my body hurts
i'm going to watch a movie now. eugghh