a long overdue update (or, happy birthday miku(?))
this comes as no surprise to anyone that this website is pretty much waning. there hasn't been any significant update to the site in a long, long time, and it's mostly my fault

as a said in a previous blog post, i simply don't have the time, effort, or energy that i had when i first started. truth be told, i was 16 year old high school dropout with very little prospect of the future and stuck in a dysfunctional household where my needs were rarely, if ever, met. i didn't think about it too heavily because i didn't even think i'd make it to 20, so this website seemed like the best way for me to pass time before i eventually had no drive anymore

now i'm turning 20 next month. i've been struggling my way through community college but now i'm seriously considering going to a university, i've struggled heavily with anemia to the point it's affected my mental wellbeing and friendships, the latter of which i've been trying harder to maintain instead of isolating myself, and i'm still stuck in this dysfunctional house trying to survive will a new will to live. my life has gotten a lot busier as i try to regain what i lost, and i'm frankly exhausted trying to keep the site up.

at least, in this state

i still consider it a space for me first and foremost, but the more i see it go without any updates, i just want to take it down altogether, because this site rotting is not what i want to happen. the only thing i update on a regular level is the fanlist, but even that has been a show of effort as more submissions come in and emails become more work. i still intend to keep that running no matter what direction i take the site it, but i feel like that's important to mention. if you only care about that, you can still sign up for the miku fanlist here

in a (bad) segway, here's what i'm talking about here: i'm remaking the layout of the website (finally) to be a lot more simple and easy to navigate, that way it doesn't only rot and i can actually be happy with myself and this site as a whole, but so updates aren't as daunting for me. whether it be my adhd being untreated, or the single(!) time i got covid worsening my attention span not boding well with all the new business in my personal life, fitting some indie web expectation of aesthetic (or anti-aesthetic, whatever your opinion is), that is making every page different and border on (albeit very simple) maximalism that i don't feel attached to anymore from a web design perspective is not something i'm intent on keeping here

i still have multiple pages in the works; my cd collection, a dedicated spongebob page, and more vocal synth related essays on the backburner, but the scope of my website and pressure seen in everything above, while also trying to keep my site accessible in a layout i made 3 entire years ago when i had no experience is simply too much for me to be able to finish them, and change is very much needed

i love being on the indie web, and i want to keep my website alive forever. thank you for your ever eternal patience, and a new update will come once i can get my new layout the way i want it to

last but not least, happy birthday miku :) in part of me not updating this site is trying to get my illustration related affairs in order since i plan to work semi-professionally in that area now, meaning that the only tease i can give you is that the new layout is far more illustration-heavy with 20% more miku. i hope you can look forward to it